Defining NSA
I thought it was clear: I'm poly.
Is that polyamorous, polyfuckerous, or just a perv? Does it matter?
So don't be shocked that I'm up for a "no strings attached" roll in the hay.
A very dear friend was just that: shocked at our recent threesome with a strawberry blond reader sporting large breasts, pink alabaster skin and a remarkable tattoo. The friend admitted some of her reaction was simple jealousy, since she'd always fantasized a threesome with C. and me. Yet she also couldn't understand why I'd fucked this woman I'd met for the first time only the day before.
Hmmm, maybe because of the Three Ps:
Pretty
Passionate
Proximate
In real estate, they say the most important thing for selling your house is "location, location, location." If you're far away, it doesn't mean I'm not interested in having sex with you. It just means I'm not going to turn down any chances for raunchy erotic fun that are closer to home. Our threesome was so delicious, we've made plans for a replay shortly, and you may even find our little trio at a future "First Saturday" at the Brooklyn Museum showing her "The Dinner Party" before ending up in bed together.
In short, our strawberry slut's a hit.
But beyond the opportunistic perv in me, I was surprised my dear friend didn't fully grasp the nature of my poly-ness. First of all, I'm under the Tick Tock Diner Rule. While it's perfectly acceptable if C. avails herself of the "four Fs" to flirt, fantasize, fuck or even fall for another, I'm under a fifth F: forbidden from getting emotionally-involved with anyone else but her. So if you're looking for a boyfriend, husband, or even soul mate, I'm not a good candidate. I'm not easy to get to know anyway, so this limits us to NSA sex: no strings attached.
What exactly is the definition of NSA?
No strings attached means any sex between us doesn't establish any kind of a relationship. I won't ask you to listen to my problems about work, or expect you're going to fuck me if you're tired, or that if I don't get you off, you're going to smile and say "that's OK, dear, next time." We aren't going to spend long hours IMing, or talking on the phone, and I won't be spending weekends at your place watching movies or baking cookies. While I might have some problems fucking a rabid Republican, if she looked like the redhead above, I might just shut up long enough to get my cock in her mouth and turn off Rush Limbaugh on the radio.
I place no moral value on sex, either. None. Having sex with someone isn't a moral statement, and resisting sleeping with them has no moral advantage, either, unless it's avoiding a cheater. The reason I don't like playing with adulterers is because it could hurt someone else, yet I don't derive any "props" from that. And it's not the sex - deception and cheating have little or nothing to do with physical fidelity, and are more about denying time together or the sharing of your emotional inner life with your beloved. More dangerous to C. than my dipping my wand in another woman's pussy is spending hours on-line chatting her up, carrying on secret phone calls, or otherwise spending time away from the life we've built together. Many victims of cheaters are strung along with stories about having to "work late." It's not just the fucking, it's the lying and spending time with someone else.
Is C. selfish for limiting me this way? I don't mind if she plays around, and in fact have encouraged it (mostly because I love the erotic play and teasing of her being with someone other than me). Yes, she IS selfish. It's a selfishness I've encouraged, because it creates a workaround allowing me to have the sexual variety I crave and need. Not just my having sex with other women, but her having sex with others, too. We avoid a lot of trouble by limiting our play to threesomes, too. There's no way she can feel threatened or left out if I'm making passionate love to her in the same bed.
The sex itself, though, is just, well, sex. Fucking someone I care about is better; fucking C. is transcendent. Since non-stop transcendence would likely kill the average human being, I'll take some NSA sex when the situation is right any day.
4 comments:
So see now how I failed the NSA sex. I didn't mean to as no emotional committment was required. But a bit of teasing email, similar phone calls which would constitute foreplay - yes, that I needed. But he withdrew anyway as he came to like me too much and for him that didn't feel good.
So happy you two hit upon a hit (huh?). Enjoy!!! (great way to start a new year, yes???)
Tom, maybe you can share your thoughts on something with me, as this is a situation I do not at all understand. I have more often heard your argument for NSA sex than anything else, and in all honesty it makes perfect sense to me. However, I have also long felt that, for me, it would seem more painful for my beloved to engage in NSA sex than sex with someone else "with whom there is A Relationship" (which, admittedly, rather nebulous itself). I do recognize that a major component of my jealousy when my beloved engages in NSA sex is the fact that I have never done so and, to at least some degree, want to try that out—but haven't, for whatever reasons (which may or may not be important…?). Nevertheless, it is the time and attention that A Relationship would detract from me that I also fear.
You and C. do not seem to have an entirely equal, even though it does seem equitable and equivalent, situation, what with the disparity between certain "allowances" between the actions you and her can "permissibly" take. You talk specifically about selfishness in this post, a word that I use with very little negative connotation. However, when my beloved acts in the same kind of non-negative selfish way that I think is okay, I typically end up feeling lonely.
I don't even know if I have a specific question, just…how is it that NSA sex versus "falling for" someone else fits into this whole mess of emotions, for you? By hearing more about this I'm hoping, of course, to learn more about myself, whether through noticing similarities or differences in the way I feel.
Thanks for your thoughts. Feel free to email me instead of responding here, if you would like. My address is available from my blog.
Rosie, comfort is mandatory in any relationship, even NSA. His loss, though, I suspect.
Gillette, we got lucky, what can I say? She's a gem.
Maymay, I will email you. The short answer is: I like us acting like sluts, so whatever brings about that end is OK with me as long as it's OK with C.
Post a Comment